GEORGES DUBŒUF – BEAUJOLAIS-VILLAGES (2020): 9.0

Reds

The first word that comes to mind with this wine is divine. The second word is dangerous. How are you not supposed to drink the entire bottle in one sitting? Hell, if I was really thirsty I could see myself chugging it all in 15 seconds or less.

This beaujolais is beaujo-slaying with its wonderfully lithe body and juicy flavors, cola undertones not to be missed. I cannot underestimate how easy it is to throw this thing down your gullet. It’s basically a honey pot for your wine cravings. Sadly I paired this wine with a white cheddar rice cake but it somehow makes my 45 calorie snack feel elevated, the strong berry notes of the wine complimenting the weird flavor profile of the cheese powder.

This beaujolais is also beaujo-monopolizing the cursed Wine & Spirits on 2nd & Girard, it being the only beauj I could find there. It’s quite likely that I’m just an idiot and couldn’t find other options. But with the recent local craze over beauj, you’d expect the store to make their inventory a bit more identifiable. Of course, this store has an entire section dedicated only to “Boxed Wine”, so my expectations may be a bit unrealistic. At least they’re selling this baby at only $14.99 a bottle.

SEPTIMA – MALBEC (2018): 9.0

Reds

a light, juicy malbec that’s perfect for summer (:

SHORT DESCRIPTION

  • LIGHT
  • JUICY
  • MINERAL-Y
  • QUICK IN DA MOUTH
  • “GENTLE” – RYAN “I THINK I ACTUALLY SAID ‘SOFT’” WILDSMITH
  • BERRIES N CHERRIES

LONG DESCRIPTION

Wow! I usually shy away from Malbecs because they can be a little too dry and peppery for me. Now that I’m verrrry deep into a true blood rewatch I extra-prefer wines that feel ripe & alive (read: like blood). I opened this sexy lil wine along with a Manchego and holy shit – I was blown away by the experience. I could literally taste the minerals in both the cheese and the wine. They accentuated each other in a way that felt almost spiritual. Alone, both the cheese and the wine were great. But together, damn. The experience made me understand why wine & cheese are a long-standing pair. Also made me sour that I’ll no longer have the chance to visit Spain this summer.

DEFINITELY buy this wine. I think it was about $16 at the Acme on Passyunk. And buy the Dibruno Bro’s manchego cheese while you’re at it!! A perfect pair to consume while your disassociating in Bon Temps with Sookie Stackhouse and Vampire Bill.

CLOS DU BOIS – PINOT NOIR (2018): 8.5

Reds

8.5

SHORT DESCRIPTION

  • LIGHT
  • JUICY
  • BERRIES
  • SIMPLE & RELIABLE

LONG DESCRIPTION

Good old’ Claw deh Bwah. This is probably the most generic mid-shelf red wine that exists. Every family has a bottle of this left on top of a cabinet waiting to be broken into during a holiday or dinner party. There’s two good reasons this wine is so popular:

1) it’s really good

2) you gain 2 IQ points every time you say its name out loud, even in a nasty valley girl Delco accent such as mine

It really is good. Light, juicy, clean. None of that harsh alcoholic bite you get from mid-shelf wines trying to be something they’re not. The Bois is soft spoken. Easy going. Pair it with pasta, fish, beans, or your weird pre-summer starvation diet of almonds and overcooked chicken. That’s what it was made for! Anything! Or nothing! The Bois is an open-minded wine, somehow identifying as French but actually coming from California. No stress. No rush to be anywhere. Skinny lil body. It’s got a unionized job and survives on medicated trail mix (loaded with berries). It’s ready for anything and nothing. But it’s ready to do it all with you! Best thing about it is it’s only about $12 at your neighborhood Acme. Pick up a bottle & don’t worry about how basic it seems – this wine is great & won’t disappoint.

LOBSTER REEF – SAUVIGNON BLANC (2019): 6.5

white

6.5

a sour sav that’s saved by its sweatiness

SHORT DESCRIPTION

  • CLEAN
  • SOUR
  • GRASSY
  • DRY
  • LIGHT
  • SWEATY BUT NOT SWEATY ENOUGH

LONG DESCRIPTION

I was really excited to see that the Bottle Shop on E Passyunk had this back in stock. I really loved the 2018 Lobster Reef… it was heavy on the weird sweaty taste I love so much about SB. I’m currently drinking it in the 90 degree sun (out on my stoop in an XL cut off and soffee shorts as south philly tradition requires) which is the most ideal situation for SB consumption but I’m finding myself a little disappointed. My taste buds might be blunted from all the straight gin and Lysol fumes I’ve been consuming over the last two months but the 2019 Lobster Reef has a sour sweet aftertaste I don’t remember from older varieties. It’s still really good. It just doesn’t have that grape jawn I love so much about SB.

At only $15 (special marked up bottle shop price… it’s like $11 online) it’s a pretty solid quarantine SB. Feel like this is definitely an SB for white wine lovers. Not my favorite anymore, though. But I can’t say I’m upset to continue my search for the weirdest, driest, sweatiest SB that Philly has to offer.

RODNEY STRONG – SAUVIGNON BLANC (2018): 9.0

white

9.0

a dry, wonderful Sauvignon Blanc

SHORT DESCRIPTION

  • DRY
  • CRISP
  • GRASSY
  • SIMPLE
  • WHERE: ACME

LONG DESCRIPTION

I don’t have too much to say about this guy. It’s probably the best wine I’ve had in quarantine so far, and also the cheapest at around $15. I’ve noticed the Acme has joined in the wine price gauging game, so you might be able to find this cheaper somewhere else (across a bridge, perhaps).

It’s a very clean wine. Very dry. I feel like it’s balancing my pH levels or something. If there are fruity notes in here I don’t know what they are. I guess grapefruit, cuz that’s what it says online. It’s simple and dry the way white wine should be IMO. This will probably be my savvy b for the summer.

WHITEHAVEN – SAUVIGNON BLANC (2019): 8.5

white

8.5

a nice, crisp SB that makes me miss being with friends at the beach ):

SHORT DESCRIPTION

  • LIGHT
  • GRAPEFRUIT
  • LIL GRASSY
  • LIL SWEATY (:
  • WHERE: ACME

LONG DESCRIPTION

The most exciting thing that’s happened to me all week was a trip to the Acme on Passyunk, which culminated in a weirdly emotional experience in the wine and beer aisle. I have lived down here for 5 years, and I remember the day that the orange liquor license sign was hung in the glass doors of the Acme. And who could forget the 6 months it took for the PLCB to relocate the bread aisle to the other end of the store and restock the shelves with a few dozen bottles of wine? The store never had a great selection under normal circumstances, so I wasn’t expecting much more than a couple shitty bottles of Moscato when I went earlier this week, but I was very happy to find the wine aisle mostly stocked with a good assortment of reds, whites, and rosés.

I figured if I’m willing to spend $20+ on shitty delivery wine, I might as well spend that amount on Acme wine, too. I picked the nicest looking bottle and stocked up on some reds before having a really nice conversation with the cashier who told me he has worked so many hours over the quarantine he’s gotten himself out of debt.

None of that has anything to do with the wine. I just want to remember all of this later.

The wine is exactly what you want out of a sauvignon blanc. The only thing missing is that I’m not drinking it on a beach, holding the cold glass to my sunburnt chest. Sauvignon blanc pairs perfectly with the sun. Also with freedom.

But you can taste the beach in it a little bit. The brine. The grapefruit? Is that beach-y? I think it is beachy. And sexy (: like sauvignon blanc (: That bitterness cuts a light creeping sourness that I do not like but cannot find after only a second, it’s gone so quickly. The aftertaste is sweat, which I love in a way that saddens me.

I think this would be so good paired with some cheeses and fruit, or as a brunch wine. It’s very easy drinking, so crisp it seems to stay cold longer than it should. If you can make the trip to an Acme with a wine aisle, I highly suggest this one.

WALNUT BLOCK – SAUVIGNON BLANC (2019): 7.0

white

7.0

a sour, sorta grassy sauvignon blanc

SHORT DESCRIPTION

  • SOUR
  • GRASSY
  • SWEATY BUT NOT SWEATY ENOUGH!!
  • WHERE: QUICKSIP

LONG DESCRIPTION

This is the first white wine I’ve had in months. The only white I drink is sauvignon blanc and sometimes – rarely, but it happens – I get an intensely visceral craving for it. There is something very sexy about sauvignon blanc; sommeliers describe it as grassy, but I swear to god it’s sweat. Or brine. Something salty. And wet. Do you see what I mean!!! hot.

This wine delivers a little bit of that weird sweaty taste, but not enough for me. It’s unfortunately overpowered by a sourness that makes drinking this a little exhausting. I like having to force myself to return a bottle of sauvignon blanc to the fridge so I don’t finish the whole thing in one sitting. This Walnut Block is almost hard to drink, it’s so sour. But then again, I don’t really like whites. Too sweet and sour. But maybe that’s what people like about them? The acid reflux?

I think maybe there are sauvignon blancs for red wine drinkers and sauvignon blancs for white wine drinkers. If you fall into the second category, I definitely suggest you order this guy.

SOLA – PINOT NOIR (2017): 7.5

Reds

7.5

A peppery Pinot Noir that somehow manages to be boring

SHORT DESCRIPTION

  • LIGHT
  • BERRIES
  • VANILLA
  • PEPPER BUT THE WAY AN OLD CHEAP CIGARETTE IS PEPPERY
  • WOOD. MAYBE IT’S BURNT WOOD AND NOT PEPPER.
  • OK I THINK THE TASTE IS ACTUALLY OLD CIGARETTE
  • WHERE: BOTTLE SHOP

LONG DESCRIPTION

Oh gosh. I was really excited for this Pinot after the so-so experience with the Camelopard but now I’m missing that stupid wine. I’m rating this wine higher than the Camelopard only because it’s somewhat more exciting to drink than the Camel and excitement is hard to come by these days. I also paid $22 for it so I guess I’m Sour Graping myself.

The wine is fine. It’s light, and there are berries in there, somewhere beneath the harsh bite of what I first thought was pepper and now I’m pretty sure is the taste of a two year old L&M. The bottle says something about “toasted cedar” which is how I would describe the taste of a cigarette if I was an asshole. It’s pretty quick in the mouth and I bet it would be good with Indian or Mexican food, as most peppery/cig wines are.

But I can’t help but feel a little swindled with this one. And I wanna make a disclaimer: I really like the Bottle Shop. They have amazing beers and a great staff and they’re working hard through this quarantine. But their wine selection & prices have been total baloney since they started selling wine over a year ago. They tend to get sort of niche $10 range wines and jack up the price 150%, 200%. This Sola wine sells at most for $14. I’ll keep buying their wine cuz it’s convenient and I feel dedicated to them, but I feel like the upcharge for this convenience & local loyalty is pretty hard to justify most of the time.

Anyway. It’s fine. It’s another overpriced red wine you could easily put back with a quarantine partner in a night, or save over a couple of days. I probably won’t ever buy it again but I’m definitely going to finish the bottle.

CAMELOPARD – CABERNET SAUVIGNON (2018): 7.0

Reds

7.0

An OK, dry cabernet sauvignon that’s easy to drink and easy to cork.

SHORT DESCRIPTION

  • DRY
  • VANILLA AND SORT OF LEATHERY/EARTHY AFTERTASTE
  • BERRIES
  • ALCOHOL
  • WHERE: BOTTLE SHOP

LONG DESCRIPTION

I’ve been getting pretty sick of straight gin on ice and now that I’m entering week 4 of quarantine (!!!), I wanted something complex, something I could sit with a while, something (ANYTHING) to bide the time.

So I ordered a cab from the Bottle Shop in East Passyunk. As far as wines go, I am big on Pinot Noir most of the time, except when I want something dry (Malbec, the gin of wines). Cabs tend to waffle between the extremes of light and juicy to full bodied and dry more often than I prefer, and I’m reminded of this when I take my first sip of Camelopard. The berries and vanilla are as pronounced as its alcohol content. Dry and too long in the mouth with a curious aftertaste I actually kind of like, but my boyfriend doesn’t. Important to note that I also love drinking raw black seed oil and would totally consume gasoline if it wouldn’t kill me.

But it’s fine for what it is. It’s a red wine in quarantine, one of the only cab savs I could get delivered to my house without spending a buck. I feel like it seems more elite than it really is, and it probably has its kindofcool label to thank for that. If I blind tasted it, I’d assume this was a $7-$10 bottle of gas station wine, but I paid a terribly marked up $14 for this guy. All in all, it gets the job done, and I’ve had it as an appetizer wine for three days in a row. Its lack of body makes it easy to pick up and easy to put down as well.